Journal from July 18, 2019

The last thought I remember thinking last night before falling asleep was, in essence, gratitude. As I’ve gotten older, I have developed the habit of coating my birthday with a film of admiration and fascination that amplify the joy I feel present within me. However, the filter through which I see life is not explicitly reserved for my birthday, rather it is present in my everyday. Consciously practicing gratitude every waking hour of the day has transformed my life, how could it not? Some things, usually the little things, are taken for granted — the mind is accustomed to having it routinely there and it cannot picture a life without them. But the little things are not so little, for a life without breathing a fresh breath of air is not life at all. These little spells of magic are so casual to the mind that sometimes we lack the realization of how vastly different the world would be without them. My ever blooming fascination with everything around me led me to an infinite path of gratitude.

This film of admiration and fascination I speak so fondly of coats every aspect of my life, not just the little things. The people in my life are a true blessing, a word that is thrown around nonchalantly too often, but I speak it with the genuine weight and celestial power it holds. Every person in my life is a tiny piece of heaven, which when put together bring Paradise to Earth. The first people I ever met, my family members (immediate and extended) are nothing less than marvelous. The first people that taught me unconditional love. The first people to be proud of me. They have given me some of the most fulfilling love I have been fortunate to ever know.

Let it be known that those outside the bloodline relation have also impacted me in ways neither my mouth nor pen will ever be able to accurately express. My friends are nothing less than exceptional. No matter how recently they came into my life, I have a cherished memory with each of them. No matter how close we may be, every friendship I have ever had and currently have has been appreciated to every extent possible.

My family and friends enrich my life with a soul bearing power. How fortunate I am to share my love with the people in my life. How fortunate I am to have been born into the family I have. To all these people: thank you isn’t enough.

Gratitude is at times met with confusion. I do not fully understand how blessed I am, or lucky I am; whether it’s one instead of the other or a combination of both. Perhaps I’m not supposed to question it, but I cannot overlook something as beautiful as this and pretend it is anything less than heavenly. This reality is a culmination of miraculous degrees. All my blessings, the small and the big, create the miracle that is my life as I have chosen to see it. That is not to say I have not experienced hardship. I know trouble, I have met exhaustion, and I have looked skepticism and pessimism in the eye. Life is not a carrier of solely good news, everything has a polarized pair. Some days darkness lingers and shadows trail after you. But polarized pairs are only that because the other exists. Soon enough light shines in and illuminates everything it touches. “Nothing is permanent” is the universal law of ambiguity. That’s why I wholeheartedly cherish everything in my life that stems from love, and have peace of mind knowing that all else shall soon pass.

I don’t know if the things that happen are intentional or flukes, my line of reasoning with “everything happens for a reason” is not simply “I agree” or “I disagree.” However, I do believe with every fiber and vibration in my being that the Butterfly Effect is real: every occurrence in history has the power to change the course of the universe forever, even something as small as the flutter of a butterfly’s wings. Everything that has happened to me in the short amount of life I have experienced has been essential in transforming into the person I am today. I would not change a single thing in the fear of jeopardizing what I have now. Neither do I know if human beings are instinctually creatures of gratitude or if we need to actively look for it. Perhaps we have created too many negative distractions and have unconsciously and unintentionally abandoned a key part of our wiring. Either way, we should not allow gratitude to escape us. So all I have left to say is simple: thank you.